So... we had success last night... but it was not easy... :(
Jordan started rubbing her eyes at the typical time, about 7:15. So we retired to the dimly lit nursery, turned on the George Winston December album, and quietly nursed until her eyes were fluttering. In one smooth motion (at least an attempt at one smooth motion, I'll be honest), I swept her from the nursing pillow onto my shoulder while at the same time standing up and ditching the pillow... She seemed asleep. I slowly lowered my upper body to lay her in the crib, and at the first inkling of a muscle beginning to bend, she awoke, and started crying. Not just fussing, but all out, red face, vein sticking out of the forehead, big scared eyes, wailing. OH NO. I rubbed her chest and belly, kissed her cheeks, tried with all of my might to lay my entire upper body next to her in the crib - to no avail. So I kissed her cheeks again, told her I loved her, and it was time for night-night, and sat down in the rocker. She WAILED. I swear she was sputtering "mama", over and over again... This feels like someone has my heart in their hands, and is wringing it out, and poking it with a sharp stick. I watch the clock. One minute. I get back up again, and try to soothe her, rub the chest, kiss the cheeks, tell her it is okay, and sit in the rocker again. This time I wait 2 minutes. The next time 3 minutes. I relinquished after about 15 minutes, and nursed her again, until she calmed down, heart rate slowed back down, and she went limp. Back to the crib, back to the crying. At 33 minutes, I am curled into the fetal position in my rocker, tears rolling down my face, asking God why this has to be so hard, when she suddenly falls silent... OH GOD, IS SHE BREATHING??? She is fine, her "lovey" pressed up to her face, sleeping like an angel.
I sit through the remainder of the song that is playing, and then walk out into the kitchen, desperately needing to hug BJ... My cheeks red and streaked with tears, my eyes are puffy, and I feel like it's been an eternity - I think it was harder on me than on her. But she was asleep, it worked. And she slept for 3 hours before she woke me, and I brought her to our bed for the remainder of the night.
So, she was never alone, I was 5 feet away - and I got up to soothe her without letting her go longer than 5 minutes at a time... I picked her up twice, and nursed her once... Maybe this will be easier tonight. I can't go back - I have to stick with this if I expect it to work.
I'm dreading it already. :(
Jordan started rubbing her eyes at the typical time, about 7:15. So we retired to the dimly lit nursery, turned on the George Winston December album, and quietly nursed until her eyes were fluttering. In one smooth motion (at least an attempt at one smooth motion, I'll be honest), I swept her from the nursing pillow onto my shoulder while at the same time standing up and ditching the pillow... She seemed asleep. I slowly lowered my upper body to lay her in the crib, and at the first inkling of a muscle beginning to bend, she awoke, and started crying. Not just fussing, but all out, red face, vein sticking out of the forehead, big scared eyes, wailing. OH NO. I rubbed her chest and belly, kissed her cheeks, tried with all of my might to lay my entire upper body next to her in the crib - to no avail. So I kissed her cheeks again, told her I loved her, and it was time for night-night, and sat down in the rocker. She WAILED. I swear she was sputtering "mama", over and over again... This feels like someone has my heart in their hands, and is wringing it out, and poking it with a sharp stick. I watch the clock. One minute. I get back up again, and try to soothe her, rub the chest, kiss the cheeks, tell her it is okay, and sit in the rocker again. This time I wait 2 minutes. The next time 3 minutes. I relinquished after about 15 minutes, and nursed her again, until she calmed down, heart rate slowed back down, and she went limp. Back to the crib, back to the crying. At 33 minutes, I am curled into the fetal position in my rocker, tears rolling down my face, asking God why this has to be so hard, when she suddenly falls silent... OH GOD, IS SHE BREATHING??? She is fine, her "lovey" pressed up to her face, sleeping like an angel.
I sit through the remainder of the song that is playing, and then walk out into the kitchen, desperately needing to hug BJ... My cheeks red and streaked with tears, my eyes are puffy, and I feel like it's been an eternity - I think it was harder on me than on her. But she was asleep, it worked. And she slept for 3 hours before she woke me, and I brought her to our bed for the remainder of the night.
So, she was never alone, I was 5 feet away - and I got up to soothe her without letting her go longer than 5 minutes at a time... I picked her up twice, and nursed her once... Maybe this will be easier tonight. I can't go back - I have to stick with this if I expect it to work.
I'm dreading it already. :(
2 comments:
Listening to your baby cry has got to be one of the hardest things a new Mommy has to go through. You are doing such a wonderful job! 33 minutes seems like such a long time, but really is not bad. I've heard horror stories of hours of crying. You did it the first night and she made it 3 hours, that is awesome! I hope tonight is less than 33 minutes. I really like your approach to stay in the room with her.
i am sorry to say that i am glad i am not there for this crib training. as you well know i failed crate-oops, i mean crib-training. it seems my baby and my baby's puppy wrapped us aroud there little fingers/paws. a little whimper from ashley or a little yelping from mercury and i was trained--ashley in mommy's and daddy's bed! and mercury in ashley's bed! good luck. kiss her for me. tell her if nandy were there, she would take her to bed with her! just kidding. love you
Post a Comment