Mommy Pill

I am early for a meeting, sitting in a conference room in Vancouver, alone at table #7. I'm surrounded by peers, from all parts of our region, who are here to talk about our company's performance over the last quarter. Given the current economic situation of our nation in general, and since my work is in the wood products industry, this meeting will outline an inevitable message of doom and gloom. However, it will take one of two shapes. It it will either emphasize the horrific situation we are in and we'll all cry in our beers, or it will manifest itself as some sort of pep rally, to try and fire us all up to make positive change. Either route, the fact is that our business is in the toilet, and we are accumulating enormous amounts of debt, and that each and every one of us in this room should thank our lucky stars that we have a job. At least for now.

I need to get fired up. I need some motivation. Because I believe that my work performance has suffered since I had Jordan, and this is not a good time to feel like you aren't doing your very best at your job. I don't like to admit this, but if I am honest with myself, I know that it is true.
This causes a turmoil inside of me. I justify it to myself by saying that my child must be my first priority. Anyone would agree with this. BUT, I also think that I focus on her more than is necesarry. Honestly, the fact of the matter is that I would rather be with her than working. I have to believe that this is a fact of life for most career women who have children.

I have found something that is more interesting to me than sawmilling (lo and behold) - child rearing. The problem is that one can not make money raising their own child. Raising someone elses child, maybe... But that is not the issue here. This must not be an unusual phenomenon, considering all of the "work from home" pop-ups and forums that are frequently found on parenting websites. I always thought that I would be different, that my career would always be just as important as it was pre-baby, that I would continue to want to excel and climb the corporate ladder . But apparently mommyhood has changed that for me - as people told me that it would, and despite my intentions.

Somehow I think that being a mother puts the majority of us into the same boat - onto common ground, no matter our previous circumstances. We all seem to have the same questions, our babies go through the same stages, and have the the same afflictions. We mommy's have the same fears, the same joys, the same emotions in general... And we can relate to one another in ways we could never have before. Maybe this doesn't last long, and surely it changes as the children grow up. But I think if there were a way to replicate it for every non- mommy in the world, perhaps there would be less turmoil.

That's what the planet needs - a "mommy" pill.